Mufti Menk Gives a Fantastic Lecture about Ramadan and its Etiquette

LECTURE LINK

I hope many people take the time to watch or listen to this lecture.  It is about an hour long but so worth the time and effort.  This Scholar is just so humble and close to the hearts of people.  Most of all – what he says makes so much sense.  Please let me know what you think after listening to this.  For those who are not Muslim, there is much in this for any God fearing people.  Just keep in mind what most people do not know,  “Allah” is the Arabic word translation for “God” in English.  Allah is not some odd unknown god, He is the same God of Abraham Issac Jacob, Noah and all other known prophets and messengers sent before.  Enjoy!

Beating the Wife in Islam

The sections of this article are: 1-  Wife beating is not allowed in Islam! 2-  Noble Verses and Sayings that support the prohibition of any type of wife beating. 3-  The Prophet forbade striking on the face. 4-  What about the saying about striking the wife lightly on her hand with a siwak? This saying doesn’t belong to Prophet Muhammad.  5-  More proofs about the translation of Noble Verse 4:34. 6-  Conclusion. Wife beating anytime and for any reason is never allowed in Islam.  There is however a questionable condition where Allah Almighty seems to allow the husband to beat his wife, and that is after he gives her two warnings to stop showing ill-conduct and disloyalty. Let us look at Noble Verses 4:34-36 “(34). Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). (35). If ye fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation: For Allah hath full knowledge, and is acquainted with all things. (36). Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For Allah loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious;” The Arabic word used in Noble Verse 4:34 above is “idribuhunna”, which is derived from “daraba” which means “beat”.  The issue with all of the Arabic words that are derived from the word “daraba” is that they don’t necessarily mean “hit”.  The word “idribuhunna” for instance, could very well mean to “leave” them.  It is exactly like telling someone to “beat it” or “drop it” in English. Allah Almighty used the word “daraba” in Noble Verse 14:24 “Seest thou not how Allah sets (daraba) forth a parable? — A goodly Word Like a goodly tree, Whose root is firmly fixed, And its branches (reach) To the heavens”.  “daraba” here meant “give an example”.  If I say in Arabic “daraba laka mathal”, it means “give you an example”. Allah Almighty also used the word “darabtum”, which is derived from the word “daraba” in Noble Verse 4:94, which mean to “go abroad” in the sake of Allah Almighty: “O ye who believe! When ye go abroad (darabtum) In the cause of Allah, Investigate carefully, And say not to anyone Who offers you a salutation: ‘Thou art none of a Believer!’ Coveting the perishable good Of this life: with Allah Are profits and spoils abundant.  Even thus were ye yourselves Before, till Allah conferred On you His favours: therefore Carefully investigate.  For Allah is well aware Of all that ye do.   (The Noble Quran, 4:94)“ So “daraba” literally means “beat”, or “go abroad”, or “give” but not in the sense to give something by hand, but rather to give or provide an example. Important Note:  Notice how Allah Almighty in Noble Chapter (Surah) 4 He used “daraba (4:34” and “darabtum (4:94)”, which are both derived from the same root.  He used both words in the same Chapter, which tells me that “daraba” in Noble Verse 4:34 means to desert or leave, since that’s what its derived word meant in Noble Verse 4:94.   The next section below will further prove my point. I am sure there are more Noble Verses that used words derived from “daraba” in the Noble Quran, but these are the only ones I know of so far.  In the case of Noble Verse 4:34 where Allah Almighty seems to allow men to hit their wives after the two warnings for ill-conduct and disloyalty, it could very well be that Allah Almighty meant to command the Muslims to “leave” the home all together and desert their wives for a long time in a hope that the wives would then come back to their senses and repent. Noble Verses and Sayings that support the prohibition of any type of wife beating: The following Noble Verses and Sayings from the Noble Quran and Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him respectively seem to very well support the above interpretation: “…Do not retain them (i.e., your wives) to harm them…(The Noble Quran, 2:231)“ Narrated Mu’awiyah al-Qushayri: “I went to the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them.  (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2139)“ Narrated Mu’awiyah ibn Haydah: “I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her.  (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Number 2138)“ Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: “He who believes in Allah and the Hereafter, if he witnesses any matter he should talk in good terms about it or keep quiet. Act kindly towards woman, for woman is created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, its crookedness will remain there. So act kindly towards women.  (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 008, Number 3468)“ “O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.  (The Noble Quran, 4:19)”  “And among God’s signs is this: He created for you mates from amongst yourselves (males as mates for females and vice versa) that you might find tranquillity and peace in them. And he has put love and kindness among you. Herein surely are signs for those who reflect. (The Noble Quran 30:21)”   “Women impure for men impure. And women of purity for men of purity. These are not affected by what people say. For them is forgiveness and an honorable provision. (The Noble Quran 24:26)“ Narrated Abu Huraira: “Allah’s Apostle said, ‘The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger. (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 135)“ Narrated Abu Huraira: “A man said to the Prophet , ‘Advise me! ‘The Prophet said, ‘Do not become angry and furious.’ The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, ‘Do not become angry and furious.’   (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 137)“ Abu Huraira reported: “I heard Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: One is not strong because of one’s wrestling skillfully. They said: Allah’s Messenger, then who is strong? He said: He who controls his anger when he is in a fit of rage.  (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Virtue, Good Manners and Joining of the Ties of Relationship (Kitab Al-Birr was-Salat-I-wa’l-Adab), Book 032, Number 6314)“ Allah Almighty loves those who restrain anger: “Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men; for Allah loves those who do good.  (The Noble Quran, 3:134)“ The Prophet forbade striking on the face: Let us look at the following narrations about Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him: Narrated Salim: “….Umar said: ‘The Prophet forbade beating on the face.‘  (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Hunting, Slaughtering, Volume 7, Book 67, Number 449)“ Narrated AbuHurayrah: “The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: When one of you inflicts a beating, he should avoid striking the face.   (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 38, Prescribed Punishments (Kitab Al-Hudud), Number 4478)”  These narrations do not prove the interpretation that wife beating being ok as long as it is not done on the face, because the narrations are general and do not mention any wives.  The striking could be done on our children when we discipline them.  In this case, the above two narrations would fit perfectly with the situation, because while we can still physically discipline our children, we are not allowed to hit them on the face. What about the saying about striking the wife lightly on her hand with a siwak? There is not a single Saying or Noble Verse from Prophet Muhammad or the Noble Quran respectively that mentions any such beating. A siwak is a small piece of wood that is approximately twice as long as an index finger and as thick as a thumb, which was used 1400 years ago to brush the teeth and the bad breath. This saying actually belongs to Imam Shafie, and not to Prophet Muhammad.  Imam Shafie or Minister Shafie is a popular Muslim scholar that came 100s of years after Prophet Muhammad.  I used to have the reference information to his saying about this subject, but unfortunately I lost it.  When I find it insha’Allah (if Allah Almighty wills it) I will post it. More proofs about the translation of Noble Verse 4:34: The following is an email that sent to me by brother A. Tilling; may Allah Almighty always be pleased with him. From:    ARJTilling@aol.com To:    ISLM4EVR1@aol.com Subj:    Another Reply to Mr O Abdallah Date:    3/28/02 3:16:15 AM Central Standard Time Peace, I have visited the link and it was what I expected.  But the question I am asking is a linguistic one, not one based on interpretations and jurisprudence.  Here again is the extract I provided: >>>>>>> (4:34) […]as for those women on whose part ye fear rebellion (nushuz), admonish them and banish them to beds apart, (and last) beat (adriboo) them. Then, if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Note from me Osama Abdallah:   Actually the Arabic word is not “adriboo” which is a plural for beating men.  It is “idribuhunna” which is a plural for beating women.  But the two Arabic words mean the same thing, which is “beating”. Continuing with brother A. Tilling email…. The key to the problem is the mistranslation of the two key words nushuz and adriboo. Some of the possible meanings for both the words, according to the lexicon,3 are given below. Again, the appropriate meaning will depend on the context of the verse. Nushuz: Animosity, hostility, rebellion, ill-treatment, discord; violation of marital duties on the part of either husband or wife. Adriboo (root: daraba): to beat, to strike, to hit, to separate, to part. In the context of the above verse the most appropriate meaning for nushuz is ‘marital discord’ (ill-will, animosity etc), and for adriboo is ‘to separate’ or ‘to part’.   Otherwise, it is inviting the likelihood of a divorce without any reconciliation procedure.  Such a step would blatantly contravene the Qur’anic guidance shown in verse 4:35 below.  Therefore, a more accurate and consistent translation of the above verse would be: (4:34) […]as for those women whose animosity or ill-will you have reason to fear, then leave them alone in bed, and then separate; and if thereupon they pay you heed, do not seek a way against them. The separation could be temporary or permanent depending on the reconciliation procedure.  Such as construction is legitimate within the terms of the language and fits in very well with the divorce procedure outlined in the Qur’an (see 8.5). The verse following the above verse gives further weight to the above translation. (4:35) And if ye fear a breach between them twain (the man and the wife), appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Aware. Added weight to the meanings outlined above is given by verse 4:128 quoted below.   Here, in the case of a man, the same word nushuz is used, but it is rendered as ‘ill-treatment’ as against ‘rebellion’ in the case of a woman as shown earlier in the traditional translation of verse 4:34.  One find oneself asking whether since the ill-treatment is on the part of the husband, a process of reconciliation is here to be encouraged! (4:128) If a wife fears ill-treatment (nushuz) or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best[…] This, obviously, is a double standard and the only way to reconcile the meanings of the two verses, in the contexts they are being used, is to accept the meaning of adriboo as: ‘to separate’ or to ‘part’.  In this connection I would like to refer the reader to an excellent article by Rachael Tibbet from which I quote: (a) Qur’anic commentators and translators experience problems with the term Adribu in the Qur’an not just in this verse but in others, as it is used in different contexts in ways which appear ambiguous and open to widely different translations into English.   ‘Daraba’ can be translated in more than a hundred different ways. (b) The translation of adribu as ‘to strike’ in this particular verse (4:34) is founded upon nothing more than: (i) The authority of hadiths (Abu Daud 2141 and Mishkat Al-Masabih 0276) that this is what Adribu means in this context. (ii) The prejudices and environment of the early commentators of the Qur’an which led them to assume that ‘to strike’, given the overall context of the verse, was the most likely interpretation of the many possible interpretations of adribu. >>>>>>>>> Thanks A Tilling Conclusion: According to the Noble Quran and the Sayings of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him above, wife beating in Islam is definetly prohibited, possibly even in the case where the wife fails after she was warned twice for her ill-conduct and disloyalty. It is definetly a valid interpretation for Noble Verse 4:34 that Allah Almighty commanded the Muslim men to desert and leave their wives, and not to physically beat them as many scholars believe. I personally favor this non-violent interpretation, because (1) It is very well supported in Islam as clearly and unquestionably shown above; and (2) It makes more sense and seems more practical in dealing with the bad wife who insists on showing ill-conduct and disloyalty toward her husband and family. And Allah Almighty knows best, and may He forgive me if I made any mistake here. Please email me at   Osama Abdallah this content was reposted from http://www.islamawareness.net/Wife/beating1.html

Paying it Forward: Helping Those in Need

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry.

 He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill which only fear can put in you.

 He said, ‘I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.’

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.  As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid.

 Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, ‘And think of me.’

 He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

 A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The lady noticed that the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan..

 After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.

 There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: ‘You don’t owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.’

 Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.

 Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard…. She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, ‘Everything’ s going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.’

Does Islam Have a “Golden Rule” ?

From ISLAMTODAY.NET, we are given many different hadith and ayat from the Quran which support and prove that Islam promotes brotherly love and compassion and actually Brotherhood in Islam is not a simple matter. There are many rules and rights of our neighbors upon us and only through the true spirit of Islam can we come to understand the importance of remembering the needs of our neighbors. ( Another link from Icna offers excellent information regarding Brotherhood in Islam).

…

..

Anas relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]
The importance of this hadith:

Al-Jurjânî says about it: “This hadith is one of the foundations of Islam.”

It is a most eloquent summary of how a Muslim is supposed to conduct himself with others. Al-Nawawî relates to us that Ibn Abî Zayd, the leading jurist in Morocco of his time, said: “All the etiquettes of virtue can be derived from four hadith – ” Then he mentioned the following statements of the Prophet (peace be upon him):

1. “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should say something good or remain silent.”

2. “ From the perfection of a person’s Islam is his leaving alone what does not concern him.”

3. “Do not get angry”

4. “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

This hadîth shows how people are supposed to relate to each other. It negates base emotions such as envy and establishes the vision of a society based on mutual responsibility and caring.

None of you truly believes…

This hadith is not saying that a person becomes an unbeliever for failing to hold in his heart such love for others. It is merely stating that his belief is deficient.

This is made clearer by a narration in Musnad Ahmad that reads: “A worshipper does not attain the truth of faith until he loves for the people what he loves for himself of good.”

Never Assume Something About Other People

So often we assume things about people we work with, family, neighbors and even our best friends.  Frequently what we perceive is not really correct.  This video is a good example of what can happen and why we need to always make an effort to not assume anything and to give people the benefit of the doubt.  You can always ask first :D

How Shaytan Misguides People

We know that Shaytan gradually misguides mankind through waswaas (whisperings to commit acts of disobedience to Allah) but he does not use the same approach for everyone. People differ in their nature, personality and ways of thinking; what appeals to one, may not appeal to another. So Shaytan may seek to conquer someone by exploiting his love for money, while he may subdue another by his lust for fame, or might delude another by emotion. Shaytan has different ways to enter a man’s soul and misguide it; these doorways to a person’s heart are referred to as, ‘weakness.’

Imam Ibnul-Qayyim said, “The Shaytan  flows through the son of Adam like blood, until it is as if he becomes part of him, so he finds out what he likes and prefers; once he knows that, he uses it against a person and enters into him through this door. He also passes this information on to his brothers and allies among mankind, so that when they want to achieve their wicked aims against one another they do so through means of that which people love and desire. Whoever tries to enter through this door will gain entry, and whoever tries to enter through any other way will find that the door is barred to him and he will not get what he wants.”

It is thus not the way of Shaytan to openly call one to disobedience. He will encourage negligence in prayers by whispering to the person to complete his worldly work before he leaves for prayers. After he has completed his work, Shaytan will remind him of food, and after that he will remind him of something else until the time of prayer has perished.

Similarly, if a person runs a business, Shaytan whispers to him that if he goes for prayer, he might miss some customers. However, if Shaytan finds man to be zealous in performing Salaat, he comes to him through different means in which he is weak. He whispers to him concerning his wealth and encourages him to unlawfully usurp the wealth of others and forbids him from paying Zakaat while telling him that this will bring him poverty and so on.

Ignorance, Ingratitude, Argumentativeness, Overstepping the limits, Carelessness, Pride, Doubt, Suspicion, Despair, Hopelessness, Recklessness, Haste, Inappropriate joy, Self-admiration, Wrong-doings, Oppression, Negligence, Miserliness, Covetousness, Extreme hostility in cases of dispute, Panic, Fear, Rebellion, Tyranny, Love of wealth are DOORWAYS OF SHAYTAN INTO A MAN’S HEART.

I ask Allaah to protect us and increase us in faith, righteousness and piety.

-Zakia Usmani

Charity

‎`Adi bin Hatim (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “Guard yourselves against the Fire (of Hell) even if it be only with half a date-fruit (given in charity); and if you cannot afford even that, you should at least say a good word.”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary: This Hadith highlights the point that Sadaqah has great benefits and even in its minimum scope and quantity it can ensure our safety against Hell-fire. We are told that if we do not have even a single date or half of it to give to a needy person, we can manage to have the same benefit by talking to him in a compassionate tone, provided we have Faith in our heart.

Beautiful Muslim Marriages: Righteous Wives

Most of the post I put up are pretty good, or I would not post them but once in a while I come across one which really means alot and just seems to cover so many points with necessary and accurate information that I wish I had a million sites to upload it to.  This is one such article.  It really covers many points related to the relationship between husbands and wives.  I hope that it offers many answers for those who need this information for their daughters, sisters and even for making their own marriages better by following the sunnah.  May Allah reward this author.

Marriage in Islam

In Islam, marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co-operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquility, contentment and comfort in the company of the other. The Qur’aan has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms:

(And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] . . . (Qur’aan 30:21)

This is the strongest of bonds, in which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) unites the two Muslim partners, who come together on the basis of love, understanding, co-operation and mutual advice, and establish a Muslim family in which children will live and grow up, and they will develop the good character and behavior taught by Islam. The Muslim family is the strongest component of a Muslim society when its members are productive and constructive, helping and encouraging one another to be good and righteous, and competing with one another in good works.

The righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone and foundation of the Muslim family. She is seen as the greatest joy in a man’s life, as the Prophet (SAW) said:

“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.”1

A righteous woman is the greatest blessing that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) can give to a man, for with her he can find comfort and rest after the exhausting struggle of earning a living. With his wife, he can find incomparable tranquility and pleasure.

How can a woman be the best comfort in this world? How can she be a successful woman, true to her own femininity, and honored and loved? This is what will be explained in the following pages:

She chooses a good husband

One of the ways in which Islam has honored woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along, because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her father’s wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone she dislikes.

There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:

“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (SAW) . He said to me: ‘Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, ‘I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.’ He said, ‘Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.’ I said, ‘I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).’”2

At first, the Prophet (SAW) told al-Khansa’ to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters’ well being is well known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.

Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of ‘Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet (SAW) and said: “O Messenger of Allah (SAW), I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behavior, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet (SAW) said: “Will you give his garden back to him?” – her mahr had been a garden. She said, “Yes.” So the Messenger of Allah (SAW) sent word to him: “Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce.”3

According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn ‘Abbas, she said, “I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behavior, but I do not like him.”

Islam has protected woman’s pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not like.