Men : According to Quran & Sunnah
Hadith – Muslim, #3233
‘Abdullah (b. Mas’ud) reported that Allah’s Messenger said to us: O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford it should observe fast, for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.
The Noble Qur’an – An-Nur 24:33
And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His Bounty. …
Hadith – Bukhari 3:129, Narrated ‘Alqama
While I was walking with ‘Abdullah he said, “We were in the company of the Prophet and he said, ‘He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power.‘ ”
Hadith – Bukhari 7:1, Narrated Anas bin Malik
A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, “Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven.” Then one of them said, “I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever.” The other said, “I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast.” The third said, “I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever.” Allah’s Apostle came to them and said, “Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers).”
Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi #3124, narrated AbuUmamah
[Ahmad transmitted it.]
Hadith – Muslim #5372, narrated Jarir ibn Abdullah
I asked Allah’s Messenger about the sudden glance (that is cast) on the face (of a non-Mahram). He commanded me that I should turn away my eyes.
Hadith – Bukhari 7.73, narrated Ibn Umar
The Prophet decreed that one should not try to cancel a bargain already agreed upon between some other persons (by offering a bigger price). And a man should not ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his Muslim brother, unless the first suitor gives her up, or allows him to ask for her hand.
Hadith – Bukhari 7.56, narrated Zainab bint Salama
…Ibn ‘Abbas said, ” ‘Hint your intention of marrying’ is made by saying (to the widow) for example: ‘I want to marry, and I wish that Allah will make a righteous lady available for me.’ ” Al-Qasim said: -One may say to the widow: ‘I hold all respect for you, and I am interested in you; Allah will bring you much good, or something similar.’ ” ‘Ata said: “One should hint his intention, and should not declare it openly. One may say: ‘I have some need. Have good tidings. Praise be to Allah; you are fit to remarry.’ She (the widow) may say in reply: ‘I am listening to what you say,’ but she should not make a promise. Her guardian should not make a promise (to somebody to get her married to him) without her knowledge. But if, while still in the Iddat period, she makes a promise to marry somebody, and he ultimately marries her, they are not to be separated by divorce (i.e., the marriage is valid).”
Hadith – Bukhari 7:773, Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas
Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi # 3096, Narrated Anas ibn Malik
[Bayhaqi transmitted it in Shu’ab al-Iman]
Allah’s Messenger said, “When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”
The Noble Qur’an – Ar-Rum 30:21
And from among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.
The Noble Qur’an – Al-A’raf 7:189
It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife (Eve), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her. …
The Noble Qur’an – Al-Baqarah 2:221
And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses etc.) till they believe (worship Allah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress etc.), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikun till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free Mushrik (idolater etc.), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikun) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember.
Hadith – Muwatta 28.1
Yahya related to me from Malik from Muhammad ibn Yahya ibn Habban from al-Araj from Abu Hurayra that the Messenger of Allah said, “Do not ask for a woman in marriage when another Muslim has already done so.”
Hadith – Bukhari 7:127
Allah’s Apostle said, “O ‘Abdullah! Have I not been formed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?” I said, “Yes, O Allah’s Apostle!” He said, “Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them (the fast) at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you.”
Hadith – Bukhari 8:68 (Volume 8, Book 73, Number 68), Narrated ‘Abdullah bin Zam’a
Hadith – Muslim, Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar
Zadhan AbuUmar said: I came to Ibn Umar as he had granted freedom to a slave. He (the narrator further) said: He took hold of a wood or something like it from the earth and said: It (freedom of a slave) has not the reward even equal to it, but the fact that I heard Allah’s Messenger say: He who slaps his slave or beats him, the expiation for it is that he should set him free.
Hadith – Muslim, Narrated AbuMas’ud al-Ansari
I was beating my slave with a whip when I heard a voice behind me: Understand, AbuMas’ud; but I did not recognise the voice due to intense anger. He (AbuMas’ud) reported: As he came near me (I found) that he was the Messenger of Allah and he was saying: Bear in mind, AbuMas’ud, bear in mind, AbuMas’ud. He (AbuMas’ud) said: I threw the whip from my hand. Thereupon he (the Prophet ) said: Bear in mind, AbuMas’ud; verily Allah has more dominance upon you than you have upon your slave. I (then) said: I would never beat my servant in the future.
Hadith – Tirmidhi, Narrated Amr ibn al-Ahwas al-Jushami
I said: Apostle of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will*, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face, and do not beat her.
Hadith – Dawud, Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu’minin
Habibah daughter of Sahl was the wife of Thabit ibn Qays Shimmas. He beat her and broke some of her part. So she came to the Prophet after morning, and complained to him against her husband. The Prophet called on Thabit ibn Qays and said (to him): Take a part of her property and separate yourself from her. He asked: Is that right, Apostle of Allah? He said: Yes. He said: I have given her two gardens of mine as a dower, and they are already in her possession. The Prophet said: Take them and separate yourself from her.
Hadith – Muslim, #3369
Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported that Allah’s Messenger said: The most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who goes to his wife and she comes to him, and then he divulges her secret.
The Noble Qur’an Al-Baqara 222-223
They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allâh has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina). Truly, Allâh loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers, etc.).
Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allâh to bestow upon you pious offspring) before you for your ownselves. And fear Allâh, and know that you are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers (O Muhammad ).
Hadith – Bukhari 4:493, Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas
The Prophet said, “If anyone of you, when having sexual relation with his wife, say: ‘In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and prevent Satan from approaching our offspring you are going to give us*,’ and if he begets a child (as a result of that relation) Satan will not harm it.”
*The husband should learn to say this in Arabic and speak it outloud before engaging in sexual relations. Here is the english transliteration (of how to say it in Arabic):
Bismillah. Allahumma jannibnash shaitaana,
wa jannibish shaitaana ma razaqtana.
Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi #3191, narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas
[Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah transmitted it.]
Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi #3197, narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab
[Ibn Majah transmitted it.]
Saying of a Salaf
Ibn Qudaamah al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Intercourse is a duty on the man – i.e., the husband should have intercourse with his wife – so long as he has no excuse. This is also the opinion of Maalik.” (al-Mughni, 7/30)
These hadith show how also the woman has a right for release and pleasure.
Hadith – Bukhari 6:284, Narrated ‘Abdullah
I asked the Prophet , “What is the greatest sin in the Sight of Allah?” He said, “That you set up a rival unto Allah though He Alone created you.” I said, “That is indeed a great sin.” Then asked, “What is next?” He said, “*To kill your son lest he should share your food with you.” I asked, “What is next?” He said, “To commit illegal sexual intercourse with the wife of your neighbor.” Then the following Verse was revealed to confirm the statement of Allah’s Apostle : “Those who invoke not with Allah, any other god, nor kill life as Allah has forbidden except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse. ” (25.68)
*Note: Abortion falls into category, i.e. killing a child because of the cost of feeding him or her.
Hadith – Muslim, #3242
The Noble Qur’an – An-Nur 24:30-31
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.
Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi 4935, Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar …A man came to the Prophet and said, “Messenger of Allah, I have committed a serious sin. Can I do any act of penitence?” He asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had not, he asked if he had a maternal aunt. On his replying that he had, he said, “Then do kindness to her.“[Transmitted by Tirmidhi]
From the Prophet’s Last Sermon…O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have right over you. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and comitted helpers. And it is your right that they do not make friends with any one of whom you do not approve, as well as never to commit adultery.
Hadith – Bukhari 1:799, Narrated Um Salama
Whenever Allah’s Apostle finished his prayers with Taslim, the women would get up and he would stay on for a while in his place before getting up. Ibn Shihab said, “I think (and Allah knows better), that the purpose of his stay was that the women might leave before the men who had finished their prayer. ”
Hadith – Bukhari 1:825, Narrated Um Salama
(the wife of the Prophet ) In the lifetime of Allah’s Apostle the women used to get up when they finished their compulsory prayers with Taslim. The Prophet and the men would stay on at their places as long as Allah will. When the Prophet got up, the men would then get up.
Hadith – Mishkat, Narrated Aisha [Transmitted by Tirmidhi]
Allah’s Messenger used to patch his sandals, sew his garment and conduct himself at home as anyone of you does in his house. He was a human being, searching his garment for lice, milking his sheep, and doing his own chores.
Hadith – Sahih al-Bukhari 8.65, Narrated Al Aswad
Hadith – Bukhari’s Book of Manners # 551
Salih reported that his grandmother said, “I saw Ali buy some dates for a dirham and then carry them in the folds of his wrap. Someone asked him, ‘Shall I carry those for you, O Commander of the Faithful?” ‘Ali replied, ‘No. The father of the family is the one most deserving of the burden.’ ”
Lower your gaze when a non-mahram woman is near
Do not touch a woman who is not your wife or close relative; if, out of dire necessity, you must touch her, perform wudu afterwards.
Get married if you are financially able. And if you are presently not financially able, strive to become financially able.
Contribute to the daily chores and do not label such chores as “women’s work” only.
If unable to have lawful sexual intercourse, utilize fasting.
Do not fast too much when your wife is available for relations. Under no circumstances should you fast more than Prophet David who did so every other day.
Say Bismillah. Allahumma jannibnash shaitaana, wa jannibish shaitaana ma razaqtana before having sex with your wife
Hem your pant legs to meet the top of your ankle and not cover the ankle.
Be kind and tolerant of your wife, but do not sacrifice that for the need for her obedience (to Qur’an and Sunnah), such as the need for her to guard her chastity. For instance, tolerate the things you don’t understand in her, and show her kindness, but not at the expense of allowing her or yourself to abandon adherence to Qur’an and Sunnah; i.e. it is not an “act of kindness” to encourage or allow your wife to abandon hijab or anything fard. But do be kind in your dealings with her.
Protect your wife from harm, and do not neglect her needs.
Remember… Allah, subhana watala, sees everything we do!
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