9 Great Ways to Make Yourself Absolutely Miserable


9 Great Ways to Make Yourself Absolutely Miserable

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s
always your choice” Wayne Dyer

I think that becoming a happier person is not so much about changing 
external circumstances as it is about changing your thinking. 
You can pile up tons of positive external stuff in your life but if 
your internals are messed up then your life won’t become that much better. 

And the thing is that if you get your thoughts into the right place 
then your outer world will start to align to those thoughts.
Now, there are quite a few ways to make yourself miserable. Here are 
9 of them that I believe are some of the most popular. I have used 
them time and time again. I still do from time to time. 

I’d recommend decreasing these thought habits as much as possible. 
Ditching them all together might be hard. But over time you can cut 
down on them significantly. 
To remind yourself of them you may want to print out this article or 
write down a few of these ways that you feel especially apply to you. 
You can use those notes as external reminders for the fridge or your 
bathroom mirror.

1. Compare everything you do to the lives and accomplishments of 
other people. 
The problem with comparing yourself to others is that there will 
always be someone with more than you. So you get a car that is nicer 
than the ones your closest neighbours drive. And that feels awesome 
for a while. But then one day you see the young kid on the next block 
driving around in his new, cool and expensive sports car. And once 
again, you don’t feel so good anymore. 

A more useful way of thinking is to compare yourself to yourself. 
Appreciate the progress you have made. Take a closer look at the 
areas where you aren’t improving as much as you’d like and try to 
figure out why. Then make a plan for how you can improve on those 
areas of your life. 

2. Go along with what everyone else tells you. And try to please 
everyone.
Recognize that everyone will have opinions on what you can do. That 
doesn’t mean that you have to do what they say. You cannot live your 
life through the eyes of everyone else. Well, you can but then you’ll 
most likely feel a lot of pressure from every direction and not feel 
that well at all. 

And even if you do try to please everyone you may find that some 
people aren’t pleased anyway. That’s because what they are saying 
doesn’t have much to do with you at all. What they are saying is just 
an outer reflection of their life and how they feel. If they didn’t 
say something negative to you then they would complain about cabbies,
dog owners or whoever popped up in their mind or in front of their 
nose. 

Now I could tell you that you should always think for yourself 
instead and make your decisions on what you know. The problem I have
found with that point of view is that you and I are bit like everyone 
else. We also like to feel like we are right and are sitting on the 
best advice. So what you are thinking is right may not always be the 
best solution. 

So try to do some research. Ask people who have actually been where 
you want to go what they have learned. Try to base you decisions on 
something substantial. Then just take action. In the end you have to 
experiment, fail over and over again and discover what actually works 
for you. 

3. Live in a sea of negative voices. 
What you allow into your mind will affect you. So be selective. If 
you’re hanging out with negative people all the time then that can 
really drag you down. It’s not easy to stay optimistic when pessimism 
is the default mode in your world. 

Another part of this is getting hooked on the news and prophecies of 
the sky falling. The sky is probably not falling.
Consider spending less time with negative voices. Cut back on – or 
cut out –seeing negative people. Cut back on watching the news or 
even more spectacularly negative TV-shows. You’ll find yourself with 
a chunk of new, free and fresh time to do something more fun. 

4. Never mix things up or try something new. 
This one is sneaky. It can fool you into feeling that things are 
pretty OK. You have your pleasant, safe routine. But underneath there 
are fuzzy negative feelings of dissatisfaction that sometimes move up 
to the surface. 

Remind yourself of the other times when you have tried something and 
how you most often don’t regret it at all. In fact, you probably had 
a pretty good time. Don’t fool yourself into complacency. 
I’m not saying that need to go sky diving. But simply that it’s a 
good choice to mix things up, to get some diversity at least once in 
a while. The next time someone suggests trying something give a try. 
Or make a suggestion to your friends. 

5. Spend too much of your time in the past and/or the future.
How much time do you spend thinking about something that has 
happened? Or on something that you think will happen?
How much time do you actually spend thinking about and observing what 
is actually in front of your nose right now?
It may seem like a pretty good idea to think about a great memory. Or 
dream about what you will do for the weekend or your vacation. And it 
is. 

The thing is just that if you spend much time in the past or present 
then thoughts tend to spiral a bit out of control. You start to over 
think. You imagine future scenarios in an almost compulsive way. You 
replay and reinterpret old memories. You trap yourself in a negative 
downward spirals and moods. 

Getting lost in these trains of thoughts is very easy. But you can 
also train yourself to keep a closer eye on your thoughts. If you 
start to question your own thoughts throughout the day with questions 
like: “is this useful?” then you can improve your understanding of 
what you are spending your time thinking about. 

If you find what you are thinking isn’t really that useful just drop 
it and start thinking about something else. If you can’t just drop 
it – it isn’t easy sometimes – here are three suggestions: 

Focus most of your thinking on finding a solution. Not on wallowing 
in your negative thoughts. There is often something you can do about 
a situation. Focus your mind on finding that or those solutions. Then 
take action. This can bring you out of a negative mood and make you 
see light at the end of the tunnel. 

Focus on your breathing. Take a couple of dozen belly breaths and 
just focus your mind on your inhaling and exhaling. This will calm 
you down, release anxiety and align you with the present moment once 
again.

Focus on what is in front of you right now. Instead of thinking over 
and over again about what your boss told you yesterday or what you 
want for dinner just focus on what’s right in front of you. When you 
are driving actually observe what is happening in front of you. When 
you ride the bus observe the people, trees and buildings. 

Like so much else, being present is a muscle you have to build. You 
learn to stay longer in the now and it becomes easier to snap back 
into it after some training. 

6. Focus on what you don’t want. 
If you focus on what you don’t want then that is what your focus 
system in your mind, your reticular activating system (RAS), will 
find. If you focus on how everything is going down the toilet then 
your RAS will let you notice examples of that in your surroundings. 
You can only bring into focus what you are focusing on. The rest will 
blur into the background. So if you want to earn more money don’t 
focus on your lack of money. Focus on how you can make more money. 
Opportunities will jump out at you in conversations, while you are 
reading the paper or watching TV or while you are just walking down 
the street. It can be a bit freaky sometimes. Suddenly, after having 
changed your focus, something that has obviously been there for quite 
some time in the background jumps out at you. 
Just focusing on what you want won’t solve your problems though. You 
still need to take action over and over to take advantage of your 
newfound opportunities. 

7. Spend your time looking for magic pills.
Reading a book on personal development won’t solve your problems. 
It’s kinda devious though because reading the book can make you feel 
like you are making progress. But without action there is little 
progress.

But this pleasant feeling of making progress can become addictive. It 
gives you an emotional high. So you read another book. And another. 
And you become a personal development junkie. 
Always looking for that one thing that will change your life. But 
there are no real magic pills. Some books are certainly more helpful 
than others. Especially if they wind up in your hand at the right 
time. When you are ready for them. And exposing your mind constantly
to positive and helpful information is better than listening to 
negative voices. Over time it can help you change how you think and 
how you view your world. 

But it is no substitute for taking action. Someone might try to sell 
you something that they promise will bring big rewards with basically 
no action your part. That’s probably just a sales pitch. The product 
itself may be good, great or useless. You never really know. You just 
have to try it out by taking action and see for yourself. 

My recommendation is to stop looking for magic pills. Instead just 
buy a classic personal development book from authors like Tony 
Robbins, Brian Tracy or Eckhart Tolle. Then actually follow a tips or 
two of their tips for 30 days. Just focus on that. Then move on to 
another couple of pieces of advice. This will give you better results 
than running around in circles looking for magic pills. You can find 
some recommended books right here.

8. Always be looking for and relying on external validation.
This can be a huge one. External validation is basically that someone 
other than you validates you. They might tell you that you are smart, 
pretty, cool, successful etc. They tell you something that tells you 
that you are a person of value. 

Now, this may sound all well and good. Getting compliments is 
wonderful. The problem is just that if you need validation from 
others then you let the outside world, other people, control how you 
feel. And that can be a real rollercoaster . Because if you need the 
positive validation from people then it’s hard to avoid listening to 
their negative input. Or you may feel bad when there is a pause in 
the validation. 

So what do you do? You let go of the need for that input. But there 
will still be a need for validation. So you need to fill that up to 
not go back to really, really wanting validation from others. 
You do that by validating yourself instead.

You appreciate how far you have come and the positive things you have
done. You appreciate your own value in the world. You set goals and 
you achieve those goals. This builds confidence in yourself and in 
your abilities. These things will help you to build a habit of inner 
validation. 
Don’t sell yourself short. Validate yourself and your 
accomplishments. Get off the rollercoaster that is over-reliance on 
external validation.

9. Take things too seriously. 
Things are seldom really that serious. It’s most often your ego 
trying to fool you into thinking so. Because if your problems are 
serious, huge and important then that means that you must be 
important. It’s a way to try to raise your value for yourself and in 
the eyes of others. 

It’s not a great way of thinking though. You’ll spend far too much 
time thinking the past and the future. You’ll create irritability and 
instability within yourself that is reflected into the outside world. 
You’ll probably spend quite a bit of time being hard on yourself. 
Being hard on yourself might sound a like a good idea to “teach 
yourself a lesson”. I believe it’s better to drop such behaviour and 
learn what you can from mistakes and then move on. Being hard on 
yourself just seems to create a lot of negativity and problems within 
yourself. All in all, by taking things too seriously you can really 
go down, down, down into a negative spiral. 

Lightening up and not taking things too seriously is more pleasurable 
and useful thing to do. I have done this by for example using a note 
on my fridge to remind myself to “Lighten up!” and by not identifying 
so much with my ego, emotions and thoughts. You can read all about it 
in-

Lighten Up!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: